To be honest, I didn't want to write a blog like this. After rejecting about 3 or so attempts by Mezcal to patch this up, I was fully content to move on and take the steps toward breaking my chains of attachment. Of course, Mezcal's massive ego can't handle rejection and he decided to blow this up into a full defamation campaign. So, here's my story:
Most of you know I came to this site about two months ago during winter holidays. Like many of the other queer and neurodivergent people here - looking for a safe space from the real world that can often be so isolating toward us. I'm so grateful that I've been able to meet and share my heart with many genuine people who are like me in that regard. Unfortunately, I was also lured and manipulated into feeling a home with someone who was never looking to provide one. I'll be the first to admit that I have issues with insecurity and attachment - including 'daddy issues' and a broken home, as many queer people have experienced. I don't think Mezcal is ignorant to this at all; I feel he weaponizes it to fuel his ego and roleplay like the father a bunch of us have never had. You'll continuously see him refer to himself as daddy; he can say it's ironic all he'd like but it's creepy as fuck. He calls The OC not friends, but a family and himself as the head of the table. I have no doubt in his claims that this is all a mask, but what IS real is the manipulative and trauma bonding effect this can have on vulnerable people and I am an example of that.
So why did me and Mezcal develop this sort of toxic relationship? Well, it takes two to tango. Mezcal would continually call himself daddy and encourage me to do the same, say that he loves me and treated me as though we had a special bond. A fantasy I was sadly too happy to play into. He got kicks knowing I would be submissive, telling others that he could "control me" in games and that I'd do as he'd say. I knew I was a better player than him of course, so carrying him to some f2s was easy enough. It was fun, and I felt like I'd found home. But this kind of home is temporary and an illusion; you can never keep the full affection of someone who's only treating you as a toy for their amusement. Eventually, he grew cold, and stopped responding to my mails. While he put me at second on his friend list on return, he deleted me for evicting him in a hysteria not long after when we had no f2. He guilt tripped the hell out of me, saying he "only plays for us" and "thought I knew that we had unconditional loyalty" and forced me to make a genuine apology and unbreakable loyalty agreement. I fell right back in line, believing that we truly had an unbreakable bond special to us.
When mandatory elections took place in The OC, I wanted to use it as an opportunity to show that I loved and cared. He never went back to treating me the same after I evicted him in Hysteria, even refusing to put me back on his friend list, so I thought I could earn back his affection. I ran and secured the presidency and made sure Mezcal was aware that I only wanted to help make The OC the best klique on Kovaze because it had been collecting dust. I immediately laid out plans to revitalize the klique but was only met with cold silence from Mezcal. The only comment he would make was a blog declaring that "The OC is dead." Then we played two frenzies together where I played my usual role as loyal soldier before being betrayed and voted out by Mezcal in both games for "disrespecting him" as "head of the table."
Obviously I was hurt, so I left The OC. Over the next few days, I sent messages to Mezcal explaining my feelings and how icing me out was effecting me when he was once so warm. All unanswered. I sent a message explaining that being ignored like this was not okay, before sending him my last mail the next day telling him our friendship was over and to not contact me again, blocking him and believing it would be the end of it. He then remade his discord to finally send me the apology I wanted to hear. I was skeptical, so I pushed back as anyone should. This lead him to saying this was all a manifestation of my mental illness and insecurities, and that basically I just need to get over it so we can start dominating frenzies again. That was obviously not okay with me, so I made it clear that while my insecurities absolutely played a role - I expect better from people who say that they love me. After about two more attempts to get me to drop it, he decided to turn it into this public spectacle.
If Mezcal was so uncomfortable by my attachment and "love-bombing" as he said, why would he continuously feed into the role? Why would he wait until I've had enough of the push and pull of his manipulation and ended our friendship to claim that my behavior was so horrible? Yes, I fell for a married man and that makes me an idiot. And yes I projected some of my attachment issues onto him when he made me feel safe to do so. The people who have taken the time to know me on here understand that I am a genuine and passionate person with a big heart that's eager to share it with the people I love. And when you're one of those people, trust me you will know. Can that be overwhelming sometimes? Sure. I'll accept being called a weirdo for that, but what I won't accept is his claim that he did not play into this dynamic every step of the way.
I don't believe that Mezcal is some horrible person. I don't doubt that overtime this became uncomfortable for him. Like I said, it takes two to tango and we both clearly have some issues to work on, as many of us do. I do think that he likes the attention he gets from queer people on here. When on one hand you are claiming to be this married 9-5 wife guy and on the other trying to play out some father fantasy to queer people - the lines can get blurred. I think your behavior on here is inappropriate. If I was your wife, I would not be understanding of the amount of times I've seen you sexualize other women, the way you talk about fucking your wife, or the kind of dynamic we shared. But that's not my business.
Mezcal - I'm sorry for projecting on you and developing insecure attachment. I hope we can both learn and grow from this experience. I think that putting me on public blast like this was immature and messed up.
Thank you.
Harajuku
