I’m Back: Update Post-Skinnisha

(Brief mention of potentially triggering subject matter) —————————— Hi. I’m back from my brief retreat from Kovaze. I want to address a few things, and then I hope to reintegrate into the community and hopefully find some enjoyment in the site again. Let’s Talk About Skinnisha: This was one of the most fun, yet darkest, experiences I’ve had during my time on Kovaze. My elimination felt deeply personal in a way that I still struggle to put into words that I feel express my complicated feelings about it. I was manipulated into making a poor game decision in a deeply personal way. I knew that changing the vote was a bad move, but I thought I had genuinely bonded with the initial target over our shared health struggles. Our conversation about health was so raw and real that I genuinely would never have betrayed this person afterward. That’s why it hurt so much to find out that it had all been a ploy to lower my guard and convince me not to push for a 4-4 vote. The extent of the charade was honestly staggering. Even though I understood the risks, I truly believed I had found someone who understood what I was going through, and I was willing to risk it all to save us both. Combine that with a betrayal by someone I considered a friend outside of the game, and I simply had to step away. This game made me literally sob. I hadn’t cried in 11 years before this. The cherry on top was reading all the personal attacks written on the parchments as I was sent to my proverbial death. All the while, I knew in my own head that I had deliberately made a less safe move because I was trying to protect someone I believed was in a similar situation to me with their health. I’ve been struggling beyond words throughout 2026 with various neurological health issues. So, to have those struggles used to manipulate me, and to then be anonymously called “low IQ” on a parchment, is quite honestly beyond the pale. I gave so much of my heart and soul to this game, and to go out in such a malicious and hurtful way genuinely ruined the experience for me. I couldn’t even bring myself to stay in the server and watch the rest of the season. I’ve blocked the people who I feel are responsible for turning what should have been a game move into something that felt much darker, more targeted, and quite honestly designed to hurt me. I will not be unblocking them, nor will I be naming them publicly. I genuinely just want to move on from an experience that I held so dearly, but that ultimately ended in a way that left me feeling somewhat traumatized. I’ve struggled tremendously this year with both my physical and mental health, to the point where I’ve even experienced thoughts of self-harm. So to have my struggles used to manipulate me took what was already a painful and embarrassing pre-merge elimination and turned it into a genuinely dark moment for me, if I’m being candid. Going forward, I’m going to be far more selective about who and what I give my energy to. I wish I could simply apply for another ORG and have fun like everyone else, but after what happened, I genuinely don’t know if that’s possible for me anymore. Importantly, I want to emphasize that this is simply my experience. Other people involved in the game may disagree with my interpretation of what happened, and I understand that. I’m not here to name or shame anyone publicly. I just really needed to write this blog to give myself some closure, and hopefully, I can still find light here and eventually look back on the experience more fondly. Lastly I just wanna thank my friends both in and outside the game for their kind words on my initial blog. It meant the world to me.