I'm still alive....

this has probably been the worst year since 2021 that I have had in my entire 48 years. Long story short...this year started off with our Amelia, Cole & I's cat, passing away after getting a blood clot that traveled to her brain. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done...watching an animal go to sleep via euthanasia. I have had my fair of animals euthanized, but I could not bare to be in the same room as them when they were euthanized. I would leave in tears. This time I stayed. It was so hard...I still cry thinking about it. In between, I had some rough times. I was hospitalized in February for a bleeding ulcer that could have killed me. The culprit? Alcohol. Yep. My boyfriend Erik at the time was a heavy drinker...since last summer I had started dating A LOT and I ended up dating a guy named Chris who turned me on to drinking. I was drinking just about every day with him, pushing my new body to its limits. We broke up in late September, and I ended up dating Erik in December, who was wheelchair bound and not really looker. Not that I'm any better than him, but it was uncomfortable at times because he was a big dude. I have no qualms dating a bigger dude, but he kinda treated me more like a caregiver than a girlfriend. AND the kicker..he had bed bugs!! I almost died. I couldn't wait to get home. I had traveled 1.5 hours to Central Maine by bus to meet him and stay with him, and he was infested with bed bugs. He told me when I arrived that his place had just been sprayed a few days prior. Well....I found a couple while I was there and pointed them out to him...he told me to shut my mouth. Ohhhhk. When I got home, bites started appearing all over my entire body. I made the fuck sure that my suitcase stayed outside for a fucking month. I was trying to find a gentle way to break it off with him...he didn't take it so well but he could not accept me stopping dirinking. I was sober for 4 months. Then I re-connected with a dude I dated YEARS ago as Two Ton Tina Scott. (or wee Scott as Malibu calls him)..he said he was single, so we started dating. Well, after giving him his birthday gift (matching underwear set) he decided to steal $355 cash, 60 of my oxycodone, and Cole''s Oculus VR headset. The kicker? After I called the cops (3 days later because he started ghosting me before I realized he stole from me) and they told me that he's MARRIED. I literally went into a psychoses and threw myself into traffic and almost got killed. I spent a week at the BHU (psych ward in Sanford) It was a horrible experience, zero stars out of five. The only thing good was that I got my meds adjusted. Because I had my weight loss surgery, my former antipsychotic wasn't going into my bloodstream, which is completely accurate, as I have been spiraling since losing all this weight. I've become a crazy, skinny bitch. Sorry for the long read. I had to vent. So I'm alive.