THE ISLAND HAS ENTERED A STATE OF EMERGENCY.

At midnight, the island sank six feet into the ocean. Scientists initially blamed climate change. They were wrong. 🚨 HOEASSGIRL HAS ENTERED THE ISLAND.🚨 Hoeassgirl is catastrophically horny, but being a person of size has transformed jerking off into an impossible battle between desire, gravity, flexibility, and reach. The stomach stands between Hoeassgirl and relief like an ancient, unconquerable mountain. The spirit is willing. The arms are exhausted. Every attempt causes earthquakes, tsunamis, and several minutes of dangerous oxygen deprivation. Hoeassgirl is now searching for survivors brave enough to participate in filthy virtual encounters before the sexual frustration destabilizes the planet’s core. Emergency services have surrendered. Scientists have burned their research. God has left the group chat. There will be no rescue. There will be no tomorrow. SATISFY HOEASSGIRL OR WITNESS THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE.