I SAW RIZO IN YONKERS THIS WEEKEND

I saw Rizo Velovic at a bodega in Yonkers, New York yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be annoying and bother him for photos or anything. He looked at me and said, “Oh… like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off going “huh? huh? huh?” while doing that little pinch-hand motion in front of my face. Then he shook his head and said, “Bro… this interaction is not cinema. Not even close to absolute cinema.” So I awkwardly walked away and kept shopping, and I swear I heard him chuckle and say, “That vibe check was cooked.” When I got up to the front to pay for my stuff, I saw him trying to walk out the doors holding like fifteen Milky Ways without paying. The girl at the counter was really nice and professional and said, “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, stretching and yawning like he’d just come back from tribal council. Eventually he turned around, walked to the counter, and set the candy down. Then he goes, “Alright… alright. My name is Rizzo, the myth, the legend… R-I-Z-G-O-D. RizGod baby.” The cashier just stared at him. When she grabbed one of the bars and tried scanning it multiple times, he immediately stopped her. “Whoa whoa whoa,” he said. “You gotta scan them individually.” She asked why. He leaned in like he was revealing a hidden immunity idol and said, “To prevent electrical interference.” Then he turned around and winked at me like we were secretly in an alliance. I don’t even think that’s a real thing. After she scanned each bar and started to say the total, he kept interrupting her with these huge exaggerated yawns. At one point he just looked at the bag and said: “Look… there’s always a way to win. Perhaps it might be the RizGod way.” Then he grabbed the bag and walked out saying, “These Milky Ways though? Fire. Absolute cinema.” I stood there in shock for about five minutes, processing what just transpired.