My ex texted me happy birthday (story)

We met in a Bad Girls Club group chat on Kik when we were 14. We were best friends INSTANTLY! He lived in Las Vegas and I was in Connecticut. I loved how kind he was, how goofy he was, and how he would uplift ANYONE, even strangers. Our long distance friendship was special. We didn't even flirt for the first two years of being friends, really Then in our senior year of high school he expressed to me how he had feelings for me and I was surprised. I didn't feel the same way because I thought our friendship was something that shouldn't be more. It kind of drifted us apart, we stopped talking every day, I felt bad. I just kept telling him I knew he valued his freedom and that I didn't want to tie him down. We'd watched each other go through breakups already. We both graduated, both started university. When I graduated and got my associates, he did too. He then calls me the summer of 2018 and tells me he had news, not bad or good, just news. His voice was shaking, he told me didn't know what to do with his life and had a breakdown, I listened. He then told me he was leaving for boot camp in 2 weeks and that he wanted me to know and he missed me. I kept telling him he was going to do great, to keep his chin up, and that he is about to meet so many cool people on this journey. I started to cry after we hung up and realized I was going to miss him and felt my chest tightening. A few days later, I called him, we spoke for hours. Like old times. He asked me to be his boyfriend, and I said yes. All while he was at military boot camp, we hand wrote letters back and forth. It wasn't silly letters, these were deep, detailed and raw expressions of our experiences. He asked me to go welcome him off the boat when he got back summer of 2020. I drove 8 hours to Norfolk, Virginia and made a big sign for him. I was nervous, and excited. This would be the first time we meet in person! After being friends for almost 8 years at this point. I got there and was waiting with all the other families/friends of the sailors. We waited I think 2-3 hours for them to come out because it was covid-19 restrictions and stuff. He finally was released and he ran to me and we shared a long hug. We kept laughing! We spent a weekend together in his hotel room. He introduced me to his friends he made while at boot camp. We stayed up late each night, then the last day he took me to a beautiful botanical garden. I didn't think anything of it. We talked about his family, then we laughed at a squirrel. I guess there aren't really squirrels in Las Vegas??? It was a funny moment. We get to a nice private spot with an arch of flowers. He then pulls me closer and chuckles. He got on one knee, and my heart stopped. He proposed his love for me, and said some really sweet things about our relationship and future. . . . I ended up saying no. Here's why, briefly. I didn't want to say yes at that time because I knew his intentions weren't purely out of love for me. I had heard his friends telling him at a party that he needed to marry me for the benefits. And he did mention it to me twice and I kept telling him no, we're so young, I know how much freedom means to you, and I don't want to get my heart broken. He was a partier. He would get drunk a lot so much so that all of his friends had my number in their phones, and they'd FaceTime me saying he was asking for me. The phone camera would pan to him throwing up in the toilet, flirting with guys, or arguing with someone at a party. It was all fine I just loved he felt comfortable including me and all of his friends seemed to really like me too. But then I'd bring up things he'd do the day after being drunk, and he'd just say "I don't remember, I was drunk" It really didn't sit well with me. I cared for his safety and I felt myself falling in love with him. I didn't know what to do. I watched him thru FaceTime fist fight his roommate not once, twice on separate days. . . Okay, so after I drive back home, he breaks up with me thru text and says he wants his freedom back. I was honestly kind of cold in the moment because I was in shock. I wanted him to talk to me more but he shut me out. Then the next day, he sends me a photo of a tattoo he got, it is the same tattoo I got months back. I asked him why he got it, he said he thought it was cute, and that we could match. It wasn't cute to me, because he never stated he was getting it to me. I thought it was so odd. And he knew the meaning of why I got the tattoo in the first place, so it threw me off. Fast forward, we drifted apart obviously. Didn't speak for months. Christmas Day 2023. He calls me as the sun is setting. He starts yelling at me. He never yelled at me before. He was asking why I didn't say merry christmas to him, how he thought I meant more to him. He was drunk again. I heard in the background, his friend talking trash about me. She asked him why is he calling me when he could do better. I called her out immediately and she started to talk shit to me too. My sister heard them screaming at me and i'm not an arguer, she grabbed my phone to defend me and it got ugly. I had to grab my phone back and hang up. I ended up blocking him immediately. This was a huge shock and I was heartbroken asf... Fast forward to last year. He found my TikTok, he messaged me. Saying he was moving and driving through the city I lived in, and we talked. I offered him a place to crash if he was tired since I was on the way to his place. Funny enough, it was Christmas time again. I bought gingerbread houses for us to make and cooked him dinner. I brought up a few things I wanted to ask him and he gave me the same old answers. But he did apologize and tell me he's sober. I told him I was very proud of him. We woke up around 5am and said goodbye. I had unblocked him and we texted here and there, he gave me updates on his new life in his new city. He hated it. He vented to me so much. He kept telling me that I'd be so proud of him because he's changed so much for the better and that he wishes he didn't treat me the way he did. He admitted he took me for granted and was scared of how real the relationship was getting so he ran. I told him i'm not upset with him I just wanted him to be safe and happy. He is now very religious and stuff. I have so much love for this man. But seeing him text me happy birthday after not talking for all this time brought those feelings back. I don't wish this heartbreak on anyone. I want him back in my life, but we are both in completely different parts of our journeys right now. If you read this all the way through, thank you. I know it was a lot. Feel free to leave your comments and opinions.