I am very much over the idea

that the reason my phone, invites, social life, is dryer than it was 5 years ago is mostly because of me. Or it's all my fault and I am a loser who lost people because of something I did. My brain has always worked like that and i need to undo that part of my brain. It is not always MY fault. Hangouts, events, parties, etc are a 2 way commitment. I've realized that these people just didn't prioritize me as much as I thought and as much as I did for them back in the day. And now that I am not in a place to host, invite out, and be the first one to shoot the message, I get nothing from my old "friends". Today is an eyes wide open kind of day.