dead parent club

some days it just really hits different. it’s been 9 years since my mom died. that really is what divided my life into “before” & “after”. i’m still wishing for the light, drive, and energy the “before” me had. sometimes i’ll see a thing, this time a video of someone talking to their mom on the phone, and it’ll just take me back to when it was fresh. i would move mountains for one more conversation. i’m always wishing she could meet my wife. the day she told me she had cancer, she gave this spiel about all the milestones she’ll miss and that’s the first thing that really broke me. my wife is the most kind, generous, patient, tenacious person i’ve ever known. she reminds me so much of my mom sometimes. i know they would love each other so much and i do feel robbed of their relationship. i grieve that stuff all the time. i wish she would’ve gotten to meet my best friend’s kids. honestly, i just wanna hear her take on so many things that have happened since she left, the serious and the stupid. the insurrection, kamala harris (she would’ve loved her), the 2020 primary (she would’ve probably voted joe biden but would have loved pete and elizabeth warren), felicia and angela on big brother (she would fucking hate angela), survivor 40 and 50, the covid lockdowns. just all of it. when i was in high school, my sister and i would bitch about how she always took 10 minutes to tell a 1 minute story. if given the chance today, i’d listen to her talk for an hour about a 30 second interaction. i know not everyone has the same warm and fuzzy feelings i get when i think about my mom. for those of you with moms who were abusive or neglectful, i love you. for those of you with living moms who deserve to be in your life, please remind her how much you love her. that’s really all i ask. to those of you who are mothers, thank you. moms are the most badass people out there and i’m so proud of you.