Ok i won hoh now to say something so real @ Justini

and nommed itsamodernlife which i will always acknowledge is dirty and disgusting of me because thats a friend shaped being. queen. but anyways Justini about the death thing part of my like deep lore is that I once had a 7 month anxiety attack about how i was going to die one day. It started the month before christmas of my senior year, and it consumed every single moment of my thoughts, I couldn't focus, I couldn't be happy, it was like everything was white noise and every single thought was about how nothing mattered because I was going to just experience non existence some day. I eventually told my mom after like month 5 bc i was worried it would never get better and I was having anxiety attacks that I thought were heart problems, we got me tested and shit and I ended up just getting like anti depressants. Weirdly enough, the fog that was clouding my brain just lifted one day before the senior trip and it ws like I was me again. I was so scared I would never feel like...anything but that ever again before. It's kind of always a fear I will slip back into that but it has been 13 years and I haven't, so I think I'm safe/good??? Like now I can think about death and it sucks and it is a fear for sure and if I think too hard I get numb from fear, but its the same if i think about space or like being in the deep ocean for too long as well. I think vast nothingness just terrifies me and I had an ego death at 18. That's all. You aren't weird for being terrified of it or thinking about it. Everyone does and everyone deals with that at some point. Some people can just avoid thinking about it until its upon them.